Tuesday, December 30, 2008

the sky light window i slept under exposed a naked sky...

I just finished Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth... so millions of people read the book... it was promoted by Oprah, and can easily be found at a wal-mart near you... but the reason i am even talking about it... there is a chapter/section on parenting that resignated with me... not because I am a parent... or can even pretend to know what it is to be one... but because of a concept he talked about... about being present... he refered to us... us human-beings... and said there is the human side of life... it is the side that gets things done... the mundane stuff... like scrubbing toilets... stuff that has to happen... but the being side is the other side... it is the side that equals being present/alive... being as real as it is possible for us to be here (i also just finished The Great Divorce)...

for christmas i usually want to run away and go camping ... me think it is to escape the human side of the holiday... and i just want to be in a beautiful, quiet, peaceful place where i can feel, and be grateful... where i know everything around me is real... i have a hard time feeling gratitude when bombarded with the wal-mart side of the season... but this christmas... this chirstmas i was a stranger/guest... an onlooker... and what i looked upon was so real...it was good... wholesome... peaceful... kind... beautiful and simple...

i spent christmas with my friend marsha's friends in boulder, utah... most of the people i met reside in cabin type houses they have built... or yurts... i fed horses, read books, made cookies, sang silent night, unstuck a car from the snow, and went cross country sking with the neighbors two girls... who are being raised in a yurt... there life is so little house on the prarie cool...

the younger of the two, willow, recited Noye's Highway Man and Longfellow's Ride of Paul Revere on the way home from the snow/ice covered pond... and while standing in the sun light willow's sister asked where we should go next?... i joked... where ever the wind takes us... (when i worked with angry teens in the desert i loved saying things like... how can you be lost in the wilderness... or... this is like a metaphor for life... they usually hated it...)... but willow's sister kayenta laughed, and said... we might be here a long time... the wind has never really taken me anywhere... we stood longer in the sun and made impressions of our faces in the snow...

i liked it!

here... a few photo or two...


this is the view from w&k's back porch

and marsha took this photo... it is my vanity that loves this photo... i think she managed to make me look like a betty crocker super model...

i even got a gift or two... kristen gave me some homemade jelly and apple juice... marsha gave me an apple cozy and some felted soap... willow and kyanta gave me a homemade lotion bar...

oh christmas tree... the little charlie brown tree, lit by the angles with real candles... the tree will be planted after christmas...

and cookies.

peace be unto you!

Monday, December 29, 2008

I had a dream last night... Obama came into the womans bathroom to borrow some t.p. - I like Obama, but I was pissed he was in the ladies bathroom.




The Personal Year is helpful in evaluating the trend of the coming calendar year. For a clue as to what lies ahead in the coming year, calculate your personal year using this formula:

First, reduce the month and day of your birth, your birthday, to a single digit. Using my birthday for example, May 3rd, that single digit would be 8 (5+3=8). If your month and day total comes to 11 or 22, the master numbers, in this instance, reduce the number to 2 and 4, respectively.

Next, reduce the year for which you are making the calculation to a single digit. The year 2009 would become 11 = (1+1)= 2.

Now, add the single digit representing your birthday to the single digit representing the year in question. Thus, 2009 is a 1 personal year for me.

p.s. keeping with my inability or outright refusal to be anything original i will admit... everything from this post... aside from these few words strung together came from a numerology web site... so??? what number came up for your personal year? really i want to know... I think Chalice, Ginger and Mandy are all 5's, Jacob is a 4, and Mom is a 2... Is anyone else a 1... because maybe we can begin a-new together... anyone in the mood to leave the country with me?... speak up!!!... or something... :)

Personal Year 1. . . .A New Beginning In Your Life
The current year is the beginning of a new nine year cycle for you. It holds the promise of being an exciting new adventure, with life taking on new challenges that pave the way for the next cycle of nine years in your life. This is a time to clarify your goals and it is a time to act on them. Hard work may be necessary to get a new venture moving. Your physical strength will be up during this year, perhaps higher than it has been for some time, as you have some special needs for this extra energy. If you are unable or unwilling to answer the call to change and make the move in your life the appears necessary now, your prospects may be delayed until the next cycle begins in nine years. Because of this, you feel like an adventure, a major change in your life, something new. New goals should be clearly set and worked toward, as this is really a new beginning of a nine year cycle and it is best not to dwell on the past at this time. This will be fairly easy for you to do because most of the problems and disappointments of the past will tend to disappear, leaving the way open for these new challenges. This is a great time; use it to its full advantage.

Personal Year 2. . . .Development, cooperation, and waiting
This is a number 2 personal year. A personal year 2 is a wait and see time; a year when you will find yourself in the background and very much in a stage of development. This is not a time to force the issue and try to move forward. It is a time for cooperation and building relationships that will benefit you in the future; a year for accumulating and collecting. Aggressiveness will cause problems now. You must be prepared for delays, detours, stoppages and you must be patient. This is a time of small contribution, of helping, and details must be taken care of when they come up. You may give time and effort to further another's work. This year may be a test to your self-control and emotional sensitivities. This is a time to improve your abilities to work with others in a productive way and this can be difficult for you if you have chiefly worked alone in the past. Keep calm, cool, and pleasant. You may experience a degree of nervous tension during this period; the two year brings a tendency to emotional extremes including depression. Very deep relationships with a person of the opposite sex (including marriage) may be more apt to occur during a 2 year. If married, there is apt to be a deepening of feeling in the relationship during a 2 year.

Personal Year 3. . . .Social expansion & creative successes
This is a number 3 personal year. This is a social, happy year, and it generally tends to exude bright and cheerful vibrations. This is a year when you will want to check up on old friends and broaden your social circle to include some new ones. Romance and love affairs may bloom. You are inclined to live life to its fullest now, even if you have to pay the consequences later on. You are likely to be more sociable and the bridle of responsibility will seem to be loosened a bit. You are inclined to scatter your energies and undertake too many things at the same time. You can safely take some time off to enjoy yourself, but resist the temptation to completely give in to having a good time; keep your goals in mind. A 3 personal year is a good time to expand personal creative talents, particularly those related to the arts and verbal skills. Recognition in this regard is likely this year.

While this can be a happy year as far as personal expression and activities are concerned, it may be a disastrous year on the business scene. A generally frivolous attitude in that environment can cause rash decisions and impractical, unfinished schemes. This is not likely to be a very good year for your finances, and it is fortunate that the next year is designed to compensate these effects.

Personal Year 4. . . .Hard work and slow, but steady progress
This is a number 4 personal year for you. The previous year frivolity will now be truly forgotten, as the facts of life are clearly spelled out. This is a year of hard work and effort when one must knuckle down to the task at hand. A year of digging in and hoeing, a reestablishment of self-control. In many ways, however, it is a frustrating year, when considerable effort fails to produce dramatic results. One step forward and two back may seem to be the case most of the time. This is an organizational period and you must look at your current and past performance in a very hard light. It is a time to get organized and bring yourself down to earth. Responsibilities will increase, magnifying the effort and hard work needed to maintain a reasonable level of existence. Health and diet should be carefully scrutinized this year, as physical resistance is low and you may become more susceptible to ailments. A tidying up of affairs is now in order, as you must make ready for a very hectic year ahead.

Personal Year 5. . . . Feeling Loose and Free
This is a number 5 year, a year of major change in your life. Horizons are expanded and growth is less impeded. You are likely to make a number of new friends this year as social activities are expanded. This is a year that has brought/will bring excitement and adventure and a good deal more freedom than you have experienced in recent years. This is a time for feeling loose and free; for moving away from old routines in a constructive way. If you became bogged down during this past year, now is the time to seek out new directions.
The problem with a personal year 5 is the tendency to scatter energies in all directions. Your ability to do detail work is limited now and it will make you feel very confined. In all, this a free-wheeling year that is liable to bring major changes to your life; your career, your family situation, your residence.

Personal Year 6. . . . Love, Family, Home and Responsibility
This is a number 6 Personal Year for you. A personal year 6 tends to bring on increasing responsibilities and a deepening concern for family, loved ones, and close friends. It may be a year when you are called on to make some adjustments in your life, or sacrifices for those in your family or close circle of friends. This is not really a year for major accomplishments, but rather a time to handle those adjustments to your plans that may be necessary or required, and for finishing projects started earlier. Endeavors will seem to be moving so very slowly throughout this year. You should expect to have a very good year so far as family, domestic, and romantic matters are concerned. Your emotional interchange with those who are close to you should be at its very best during this particular year. The important thing is to be willing to accept a slower pace and be sure to enjoy the peace and harmony that the personal year number 6 will bring.

Personal Year 7. . . . a time for analysis and understanding
A 7 personal year promises to be a very introspective year, a period of some pause and reflection between very active years in your life. This year should provide you with some time for gaining some understanding of yourself, and you are apt to spend a good bit of time in contemplation. It will be good for you to spend time alone or in quiet activities, as free from outside responsibilities as possible. You should try to get away from business pressures. This is a good year to reflect on the past and plan for the future. This will not tend to be a year of action, but rather a year of waiting and development. One of the most profitable activities in with to engage during a personal year 7 is that of study and writing, for your ability to think clearly, analyze, and integrate your thoughts is peaked now. Your capacity for research and understanding is at its very best. It would not be unusual for you to take on an appearance of coolness and detachment during a 7 year. Certainly, it is best for you to focus your attention on your talents and your skills in an effort to use the time you have now to refine them. Perhaps you can find the time to gain more education, or simply spend free time in reflection and meditation.

Personal Year 8. . . . Attainment and capital gains
This is a number 8 personal year for you. This is your power year, a period when you can make important strides in you life. Coming after a very slow and introspective period (the personal year 7), you may start feeling some stirrings of ambitions. This is a year of big decisions and major achievements. Activity is your keynote now, and you will find yourself very much involved and occupied. Opportunities for advancement and recognition for past and current work is likely to come about during this year. You have things going for you so long as you take advantage and act. It is easy for you to branch out and expand in a businesslike manner. If you are at all inclined, this is the time to exude self-confidence and authority, because others will tend to be receptive to your leadership and control. Your power and status potential is at a peak of the nine years personal epicycle that concludes at the end of the next year.

Personal Year 9. . . . Reflection and Reaching Out
This is a 9 personal year for you. This is a year of completions, ending, and a time when you are apt to take inventory of the many factors in your life, some of which you are no doubt proud of, and others that you may want to change. You are likely to scrutinize old values, ideals, and the ideas that you thought were important. This should be a time when you become more involved with other's and giving may become more important that merely looking out for yourself. You may also become aware of a lure to commune with nature, as escapist desires become much stronger than in the past. A lot of things that you have been working for should come to completion during this year, and you will tend to clear the deck for the beginning of a new nine year cycle.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

the longest night of the year.

(please dont give me credit for this photo... this image was found on google images)

it was in the news

Each year on or around the winter solstice a Vigil service is held by SLC's 4th Street Clinic in memorial of the homeless who have died in the past year. This has been the second service I have attended. I have been at the shelter for a year now... Last year I stood with my new co-workers in the damp snow at the Wigand’s Center straining to hear the governor speak while the puddles of snow smothered my candle... This year we stood in Pioneer Park while a choir from East High School sang Amazing Grace... the weather was more accommodating and I recognized a few of the names listed this time... I recognized those in attendance... the people in the community that work with and for the homeless...

I think Woody Guthrie said, "Gamblin' is my nature, ramblin' is my game, Deal me your hardest card, I'll win this (wordremoved) game."

runnin and gunnin... its what a lot of our people do... i cant help but think romantically of that way of life... but in reality it is though... the women and men of the streets live life a lot faster and harder... and they die earlier... the diseases they die from in their 50s other American's die from in their 70's and 80's.

i heard a story that went a little something like this... to a former homeless person entering housing...Her case manager jokingly said, 'You probably won't get kicked out of housing unless you are selling drugs or running a whore house'... instead of responding with surprise or laughter, the women sighed... 'oh man, I am too old for that Sh*#'.




Have a very merry christmas and a happy new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 19, 2008

why cant i work.... why is this my third post today?????

excitement... its in the air

or is it just neil?







cute neices.

it's a good morning...

not a Christmas song... but i still can't get it out of my head... and for now... i don’t want to... broken social scene's 7/4 shoreline has been a repeat song for me before... and this a.m., as i listened on repeat ... found myself in-between teeth brushing and hair combing...in the mirror...giving myself a serious dance-off stare... and moving my hips in awkward dance motion...

would have been embarrassed if anyone had caught me... and i laughed all the way to the bus stop thinking about it...

Thursday, December 18, 2008

to the tune of... something...


la la la la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaaa
la la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Saturday, December 13, 2008

happy holidays

(nothing in this post is original. all of the ideas and photos are stolen... just so you know)


tis the season... for ugly sweaters (p.s. i stole this photo from fabiola)


i dont know this guy... but it seams like ladies holiday sweaters are never as awesome on women as they are on flamboyant men... (p.s. i am not calling spencer flamboyant)



unless you are leslie hall... she always wins.


spencer wishes he were leslie hall...

Friday, December 5, 2008

this is my thank you for my life that doesnt suck post.

lets see... i moved...

i keep saying that to people... and then i just stop... really what is the big deal about moving... who knows... but i also want my life to be different... not that i think my life is bad... but with moving... i want other changes as well. hmm.

the day of the move my friends car got a flat. i was borrowing the car to move. i returned it with a spare :( two days later i decided i didn't have any real friends. i made a plan to move to turkey... live on an organic farm. and learn to make soap. talked to a friend and changed my irrational mind... making soap in turkey isn't irrational... and it would be great if it happens... but thinking i don't have any real friends is... the day after that i borrowed Olivia's (my new roommate) bike and left it in front of the apartment... it got stolen. :(

last night i went to yoga. centered city is on the corner of 9th and 9th. I thought the 1st class is always free... I was wrong... but the coolest thing happened... a nice woman said, "I would rather you take this class then go home because you didn't bring the money"... and she refused to let me try to pay her back...

It was the best yoga class... mostly because I was SO grateful for the generosity of a stranger! so much of the angst and animosity was totally lifted by that kind act... I prayed for that stranger lady later... and anytime I run into her I will think she is the kindest person I have ever met! Things like that make me want to carry around an extra handful of cash just in case... because its just money... but money can totally help a pissy me change... shift to an at peace grateful me...

I haven't been feeling super awesome lately... I don't know... I don't even know how to express it...so I don't... but it is partially why I haven't really blogged... i have not felt like expressing... my boss keeps saying she thinks i have p.t.s.d. from my accident... i am almost convinced...

yoga...

Since my accident - the one where my face hit a truck... :) --- I haven't done real yoga.. it is really healing - and for me helps me get in tune... feel connected...

thanks kind stranger lady... thank you!

but i live in a new apartment. i have been to a new yoga studio that i like. i have the most accommodating cool job...and... even if they don't always call me back when i want them to... i have good friends.

i have a good life... it is always evolving... and i like it that way.