Tuesday, December 30, 2008

the sky light window i slept under exposed a naked sky...

I just finished Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth... so millions of people read the book... it was promoted by Oprah, and can easily be found at a wal-mart near you... but the reason i am even talking about it... there is a chapter/section on parenting that resignated with me... not because I am a parent... or can even pretend to know what it is to be one... but because of a concept he talked about... about being present... he refered to us... us human-beings... and said there is the human side of life... it is the side that gets things done... the mundane stuff... like scrubbing toilets... stuff that has to happen... but the being side is the other side... it is the side that equals being present/alive... being as real as it is possible for us to be here (i also just finished The Great Divorce)...

for christmas i usually want to run away and go camping ... me think it is to escape the human side of the holiday... and i just want to be in a beautiful, quiet, peaceful place where i can feel, and be grateful... where i know everything around me is real... i have a hard time feeling gratitude when bombarded with the wal-mart side of the season... but this christmas... this chirstmas i was a stranger/guest... an onlooker... and what i looked upon was so real...it was good... wholesome... peaceful... kind... beautiful and simple...

i spent christmas with my friend marsha's friends in boulder, utah... most of the people i met reside in cabin type houses they have built... or yurts... i fed horses, read books, made cookies, sang silent night, unstuck a car from the snow, and went cross country sking with the neighbors two girls... who are being raised in a yurt... there life is so little house on the prarie cool...

the younger of the two, willow, recited Noye's Highway Man and Longfellow's Ride of Paul Revere on the way home from the snow/ice covered pond... and while standing in the sun light willow's sister asked where we should go next?... i joked... where ever the wind takes us... (when i worked with angry teens in the desert i loved saying things like... how can you be lost in the wilderness... or... this is like a metaphor for life... they usually hated it...)... but willow's sister kayenta laughed, and said... we might be here a long time... the wind has never really taken me anywhere... we stood longer in the sun and made impressions of our faces in the snow...

i liked it!

here... a few photo or two...


this is the view from w&k's back porch

and marsha took this photo... it is my vanity that loves this photo... i think she managed to make me look like a betty crocker super model...

i even got a gift or two... kristen gave me some homemade jelly and apple juice... marsha gave me an apple cozy and some felted soap... willow and kyanta gave me a homemade lotion bar...

oh christmas tree... the little charlie brown tree, lit by the angles with real candles... the tree will be planted after christmas...

and cookies.

peace be unto you!

Monday, December 29, 2008

I had a dream last night... Obama came into the womans bathroom to borrow some t.p. - I like Obama, but I was pissed he was in the ladies bathroom.




The Personal Year is helpful in evaluating the trend of the coming calendar year. For a clue as to what lies ahead in the coming year, calculate your personal year using this formula:

First, reduce the month and day of your birth, your birthday, to a single digit. Using my birthday for example, May 3rd, that single digit would be 8 (5+3=8). If your month and day total comes to 11 or 22, the master numbers, in this instance, reduce the number to 2 and 4, respectively.

Next, reduce the year for which you are making the calculation to a single digit. The year 2009 would become 11 = (1+1)= 2.

Now, add the single digit representing your birthday to the single digit representing the year in question. Thus, 2009 is a 1 personal year for me.

p.s. keeping with my inability or outright refusal to be anything original i will admit... everything from this post... aside from these few words strung together came from a numerology web site... so??? what number came up for your personal year? really i want to know... I think Chalice, Ginger and Mandy are all 5's, Jacob is a 4, and Mom is a 2... Is anyone else a 1... because maybe we can begin a-new together... anyone in the mood to leave the country with me?... speak up!!!... or something... :)

Personal Year 1. . . .A New Beginning In Your Life
The current year is the beginning of a new nine year cycle for you. It holds the promise of being an exciting new adventure, with life taking on new challenges that pave the way for the next cycle of nine years in your life. This is a time to clarify your goals and it is a time to act on them. Hard work may be necessary to get a new venture moving. Your physical strength will be up during this year, perhaps higher than it has been for some time, as you have some special needs for this extra energy. If you are unable or unwilling to answer the call to change and make the move in your life the appears necessary now, your prospects may be delayed until the next cycle begins in nine years. Because of this, you feel like an adventure, a major change in your life, something new. New goals should be clearly set and worked toward, as this is really a new beginning of a nine year cycle and it is best not to dwell on the past at this time. This will be fairly easy for you to do because most of the problems and disappointments of the past will tend to disappear, leaving the way open for these new challenges. This is a great time; use it to its full advantage.

Personal Year 2. . . .Development, cooperation, and waiting
This is a number 2 personal year. A personal year 2 is a wait and see time; a year when you will find yourself in the background and very much in a stage of development. This is not a time to force the issue and try to move forward. It is a time for cooperation and building relationships that will benefit you in the future; a year for accumulating and collecting. Aggressiveness will cause problems now. You must be prepared for delays, detours, stoppages and you must be patient. This is a time of small contribution, of helping, and details must be taken care of when they come up. You may give time and effort to further another's work. This year may be a test to your self-control and emotional sensitivities. This is a time to improve your abilities to work with others in a productive way and this can be difficult for you if you have chiefly worked alone in the past. Keep calm, cool, and pleasant. You may experience a degree of nervous tension during this period; the two year brings a tendency to emotional extremes including depression. Very deep relationships with a person of the opposite sex (including marriage) may be more apt to occur during a 2 year. If married, there is apt to be a deepening of feeling in the relationship during a 2 year.

Personal Year 3. . . .Social expansion & creative successes
This is a number 3 personal year. This is a social, happy year, and it generally tends to exude bright and cheerful vibrations. This is a year when you will want to check up on old friends and broaden your social circle to include some new ones. Romance and love affairs may bloom. You are inclined to live life to its fullest now, even if you have to pay the consequences later on. You are likely to be more sociable and the bridle of responsibility will seem to be loosened a bit. You are inclined to scatter your energies and undertake too many things at the same time. You can safely take some time off to enjoy yourself, but resist the temptation to completely give in to having a good time; keep your goals in mind. A 3 personal year is a good time to expand personal creative talents, particularly those related to the arts and verbal skills. Recognition in this regard is likely this year.

While this can be a happy year as far as personal expression and activities are concerned, it may be a disastrous year on the business scene. A generally frivolous attitude in that environment can cause rash decisions and impractical, unfinished schemes. This is not likely to be a very good year for your finances, and it is fortunate that the next year is designed to compensate these effects.

Personal Year 4. . . .Hard work and slow, but steady progress
This is a number 4 personal year for you. The previous year frivolity will now be truly forgotten, as the facts of life are clearly spelled out. This is a year of hard work and effort when one must knuckle down to the task at hand. A year of digging in and hoeing, a reestablishment of self-control. In many ways, however, it is a frustrating year, when considerable effort fails to produce dramatic results. One step forward and two back may seem to be the case most of the time. This is an organizational period and you must look at your current and past performance in a very hard light. It is a time to get organized and bring yourself down to earth. Responsibilities will increase, magnifying the effort and hard work needed to maintain a reasonable level of existence. Health and diet should be carefully scrutinized this year, as physical resistance is low and you may become more susceptible to ailments. A tidying up of affairs is now in order, as you must make ready for a very hectic year ahead.

Personal Year 5. . . . Feeling Loose and Free
This is a number 5 year, a year of major change in your life. Horizons are expanded and growth is less impeded. You are likely to make a number of new friends this year as social activities are expanded. This is a year that has brought/will bring excitement and adventure and a good deal more freedom than you have experienced in recent years. This is a time for feeling loose and free; for moving away from old routines in a constructive way. If you became bogged down during this past year, now is the time to seek out new directions.
The problem with a personal year 5 is the tendency to scatter energies in all directions. Your ability to do detail work is limited now and it will make you feel very confined. In all, this a free-wheeling year that is liable to bring major changes to your life; your career, your family situation, your residence.

Personal Year 6. . . . Love, Family, Home and Responsibility
This is a number 6 Personal Year for you. A personal year 6 tends to bring on increasing responsibilities and a deepening concern for family, loved ones, and close friends. It may be a year when you are called on to make some adjustments in your life, or sacrifices for those in your family or close circle of friends. This is not really a year for major accomplishments, but rather a time to handle those adjustments to your plans that may be necessary or required, and for finishing projects started earlier. Endeavors will seem to be moving so very slowly throughout this year. You should expect to have a very good year so far as family, domestic, and romantic matters are concerned. Your emotional interchange with those who are close to you should be at its very best during this particular year. The important thing is to be willing to accept a slower pace and be sure to enjoy the peace and harmony that the personal year number 6 will bring.

Personal Year 7. . . . a time for analysis and understanding
A 7 personal year promises to be a very introspective year, a period of some pause and reflection between very active years in your life. This year should provide you with some time for gaining some understanding of yourself, and you are apt to spend a good bit of time in contemplation. It will be good for you to spend time alone or in quiet activities, as free from outside responsibilities as possible. You should try to get away from business pressures. This is a good year to reflect on the past and plan for the future. This will not tend to be a year of action, but rather a year of waiting and development. One of the most profitable activities in with to engage during a personal year 7 is that of study and writing, for your ability to think clearly, analyze, and integrate your thoughts is peaked now. Your capacity for research and understanding is at its very best. It would not be unusual for you to take on an appearance of coolness and detachment during a 7 year. Certainly, it is best for you to focus your attention on your talents and your skills in an effort to use the time you have now to refine them. Perhaps you can find the time to gain more education, or simply spend free time in reflection and meditation.

Personal Year 8. . . . Attainment and capital gains
This is a number 8 personal year for you. This is your power year, a period when you can make important strides in you life. Coming after a very slow and introspective period (the personal year 7), you may start feeling some stirrings of ambitions. This is a year of big decisions and major achievements. Activity is your keynote now, and you will find yourself very much involved and occupied. Opportunities for advancement and recognition for past and current work is likely to come about during this year. You have things going for you so long as you take advantage and act. It is easy for you to branch out and expand in a businesslike manner. If you are at all inclined, this is the time to exude self-confidence and authority, because others will tend to be receptive to your leadership and control. Your power and status potential is at a peak of the nine years personal epicycle that concludes at the end of the next year.

Personal Year 9. . . . Reflection and Reaching Out
This is a 9 personal year for you. This is a year of completions, ending, and a time when you are apt to take inventory of the many factors in your life, some of which you are no doubt proud of, and others that you may want to change. You are likely to scrutinize old values, ideals, and the ideas that you thought were important. This should be a time when you become more involved with other's and giving may become more important that merely looking out for yourself. You may also become aware of a lure to commune with nature, as escapist desires become much stronger than in the past. A lot of things that you have been working for should come to completion during this year, and you will tend to clear the deck for the beginning of a new nine year cycle.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

the longest night of the year.

(please dont give me credit for this photo... this image was found on google images)

it was in the news

Each year on or around the winter solstice a Vigil service is held by SLC's 4th Street Clinic in memorial of the homeless who have died in the past year. This has been the second service I have attended. I have been at the shelter for a year now... Last year I stood with my new co-workers in the damp snow at the Wigand’s Center straining to hear the governor speak while the puddles of snow smothered my candle... This year we stood in Pioneer Park while a choir from East High School sang Amazing Grace... the weather was more accommodating and I recognized a few of the names listed this time... I recognized those in attendance... the people in the community that work with and for the homeless...

I think Woody Guthrie said, "Gamblin' is my nature, ramblin' is my game, Deal me your hardest card, I'll win this (wordremoved) game."

runnin and gunnin... its what a lot of our people do... i cant help but think romantically of that way of life... but in reality it is though... the women and men of the streets live life a lot faster and harder... and they die earlier... the diseases they die from in their 50s other American's die from in their 70's and 80's.

i heard a story that went a little something like this... to a former homeless person entering housing...Her case manager jokingly said, 'You probably won't get kicked out of housing unless you are selling drugs or running a whore house'... instead of responding with surprise or laughter, the women sighed... 'oh man, I am too old for that Sh*#'.




Have a very merry christmas and a happy new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 19, 2008

why cant i work.... why is this my third post today?????

excitement... its in the air

or is it just neil?







cute neices.

it's a good morning...

not a Christmas song... but i still can't get it out of my head... and for now... i don’t want to... broken social scene's 7/4 shoreline has been a repeat song for me before... and this a.m., as i listened on repeat ... found myself in-between teeth brushing and hair combing...in the mirror...giving myself a serious dance-off stare... and moving my hips in awkward dance motion...

would have been embarrassed if anyone had caught me... and i laughed all the way to the bus stop thinking about it...

Thursday, December 18, 2008

to the tune of... something...


la la la la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaaa
la la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Saturday, December 13, 2008

happy holidays

(nothing in this post is original. all of the ideas and photos are stolen... just so you know)


tis the season... for ugly sweaters (p.s. i stole this photo from fabiola)


i dont know this guy... but it seams like ladies holiday sweaters are never as awesome on women as they are on flamboyant men... (p.s. i am not calling spencer flamboyant)



unless you are leslie hall... she always wins.


spencer wishes he were leslie hall...

Friday, December 5, 2008

this is my thank you for my life that doesnt suck post.

lets see... i moved...

i keep saying that to people... and then i just stop... really what is the big deal about moving... who knows... but i also want my life to be different... not that i think my life is bad... but with moving... i want other changes as well. hmm.

the day of the move my friends car got a flat. i was borrowing the car to move. i returned it with a spare :( two days later i decided i didn't have any real friends. i made a plan to move to turkey... live on an organic farm. and learn to make soap. talked to a friend and changed my irrational mind... making soap in turkey isn't irrational... and it would be great if it happens... but thinking i don't have any real friends is... the day after that i borrowed Olivia's (my new roommate) bike and left it in front of the apartment... it got stolen. :(

last night i went to yoga. centered city is on the corner of 9th and 9th. I thought the 1st class is always free... I was wrong... but the coolest thing happened... a nice woman said, "I would rather you take this class then go home because you didn't bring the money"... and she refused to let me try to pay her back...

It was the best yoga class... mostly because I was SO grateful for the generosity of a stranger! so much of the angst and animosity was totally lifted by that kind act... I prayed for that stranger lady later... and anytime I run into her I will think she is the kindest person I have ever met! Things like that make me want to carry around an extra handful of cash just in case... because its just money... but money can totally help a pissy me change... shift to an at peace grateful me...

I haven't been feeling super awesome lately... I don't know... I don't even know how to express it...so I don't... but it is partially why I haven't really blogged... i have not felt like expressing... my boss keeps saying she thinks i have p.t.s.d. from my accident... i am almost convinced...

yoga...

Since my accident - the one where my face hit a truck... :) --- I haven't done real yoga.. it is really healing - and for me helps me get in tune... feel connected...

thanks kind stranger lady... thank you!

but i live in a new apartment. i have been to a new yoga studio that i like. i have the most accommodating cool job...and... even if they don't always call me back when i want them to... i have good friends.

i have a good life... it is always evolving... and i like it that way.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

i am so in love with this boy...






so far these are the thanksgiving photos... me and rigby on the carasoul... it was entertaining... but what rocked my world was the tiltawhirl that we went on after... i was convinced my little teny tiny nephew was too little... but they let him on... and next i was sure he would puke all over us... instead... we all screamed... while he yelled... boo-ya! boo-ya! i love him so much!!!! next we went for a stroll along the shore... we chased seagulls... and the water... rigby was doing a really good job of telling us to run... right as the water approaced us... but then... then.... then...

he yelled run... and i could see that the water might get him wet... like it was a little higher then an inch... i picked him up... and right as i did the ocean was up to my hips and the rest of my family was running ... i on the other hand couldnt... i had dangled screaming rigby in my arms watching everyone else run futher and further from us... it was pretty exciting... if i didnt have my sweet nephew i am sure i would have fallen... thats how it is... i have noticed... if it is just me i dont mind falling on my face... but i somehow turn superhuman if it means keeping someone i love safe...

once we finally got out of the water... rigby said... i am ready to go home now...

boo-ya!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

and what could be more peaceful...

than a video with Icelandic children... in a language i dont understand... playing drums... kissing... and flying off cliffs over the ocean...

and old Icelandic people jumping in puddles and playing practical jokes...and fighting their old people enemies... in fact... i think they are having an old people war... but... it is Icelandic... so it must be peaceful...

are you all convinced that i believe in peace yet????

Thursday, November 13, 2008

this post is about a dog

my friend Linda has a little puppy dog named Dogee... or D*O*G... or is it Do'gee. I don't know... If Linda is around chances are D'ogee is not too far away... She used to work with refugee children from Somalia...One day one of the little girls said to her... almost crying...

Linda... I love you so much... I am so sad you are going to hell.

from what I understand the little Somalian girl thought that if you touch a dog you will go to hell...

I also wonder about folklore mixed with my religion... I think I am pretty good at distinguishing culture from LDS doctrine... but... I am sure some has slipped through here and there... I try to be aware... without being angry or ever pulling apart what I don't fully understand...

so...

for the record...

like the little Somali girl, I am really sad Linda is going to hell too...

Monday, November 10, 2008

scene from castaway

i have this great journal from a few years ago... i like going through it... it was kind of a re-building post heart break journal...

one night while watching the movie cast away i fell in love with this scene... not because i had ever felt suicidal on a deserted island... but at the time i did feel pretty opposite of alive... i identified with the feelings expressed... i wrote down the lines and i want to re-print the scene here now... not because i am personally suffering heart ache... i am not... in fact i am actually really happy... optimistic... and ok with the way things are...

the people around me... my friends are continuously falling in and out of love... breaking hearts and getting their hearts broken... it is sad to see my friends have to rebuild their lives... but that is what happens... and we keep doing it... again and again... and again... 10-15-20 years of dating... of learning...

the scene... its so good... words alone don't do it justice... but these words will have to do... this is for the people i love... who... keep on keeping on.



the scene:
We both had done the math...She had to let me go. I added up and knew that I had... lost her. Because I was never going to get off that island. I was going to die there totally alone. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when and how... and were that was going to happen.
So, I made a rope... and I went up to the summit to hang myself. I had to test it... and the weight of the log snapped the limb of the tree. I couldnt even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over nothing.
That’s when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew somehow that I had to stay alive... Somehow, I had to keep breathing even though there was no reason to hope... and all my logic said I would never see this place again.
So that is what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing... and one day that logic was proven all wrong... because the tide came in, gave me a sail... and now here I am. I'm back! And I’ve lost her all over again.
I’m so sad that I don’t have Kelly. And I’m so grateful she was with me on that island... and I know what I have to do now. I keep breathing, because tomorrow the sun will rise.. and who knows when the tide could break.


curtis mayfield... keep on keeping on.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

cool water...



when water listens to mozart it looks like this

gratitude and love make water look like this.

i have described a deep breath as being delicious like water... water is probably my only addiction...

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

yes we can!


President-Elect Barack Obama... What a beautiful man!!!

He gave me a reason to vote... this is a first for me... I wanted to... I wanted to give that energy or support... my vote did nothing to elect Obama... I live in Utah... but it felt good to just do it this election... I don't think Obama's popularity will stick... many of his supporters may abandon ship when the conditions left behind by the previous presidency are not easily remedied... but i support him... I am proud that he will represent our country... and I am proud that Americans went to the ballots yesterday and voted him in...

strong opinions... I am pretty sure most of my family voted McCain... and that is ok... I hope we can all still be friends.

Monday, November 3, 2008

this was halloween! this was halloween! halloween! halloween!


chris.... arrrrrhhhhh... and melanie's costume... a blue ribbon for sure...


baby-stash...


look familiar... chips...ram makes for a pretty awesome ponch...


a lamp... one palin... two palin... and pocahontas... i know... i know... i couldn’t help staring... someone should have slapped me.

i love halloween! why is it only once a year?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

this is halloween! this is halloween! halloween! halloween!


and this is my halloween costume... i have been her before... she is my naked lady lamp... because she is naked under the material that clothes her... i have had her for over ten years...

i once told my friend chris after he said he liked the lamp... - she's naked under those clothes... he said sarcastically... in kind of a high pitch for him... wooo.... which made me laugh... i still laugh when i think about it...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

what happens in a meadow at dusk?


what does happen in a meadow at dusk?

i am not sure...but for some reason when i heard this song preformed by Ray Lamontagne tonight i felt the same way.

she lifts her skirt up to her knees,
walks through the corn-rows with her bare feet, laughing.
i never learned to count my blessings,
i choose instead to dwell in my disasters.
i walk on down a hill,
through grass, grown tall and brown
and still its hard somehow to let go of my pain.
on past the busted back of that old and rusted cadillac
that sinks into this field, collecting rain.
will i always feel this way?
so empty, so estranged

and of these cut- throat busted sunsets,
these cold and damp white mornings
i have grown weary.
if though my cracked and dusted dime-store lips
i spoke these words out loud would no one hear me?
lay your blouse across the chair,
let fall the flowers from from your hair
and kiss me with that country mouth, so plain.
outside, the rain is tapping on the leaves,
to me it sounds like they're applauding us the the quiet love we made.
will i always feel this way?
so empty, so estranged

well i looked my demons in the eyes,
laid bare my chest, said do your best, destroy me.
you see, i've been to hell and back so many times,
i must admit you kind of bore me.
there's a lot of things that can kill a man,
there's a lot of ways to die,
listen, some already did that walked beside me.
there's alot of things i don't understand,
why so many people lie.
its the hurt i have inside that fuels the fire inside me.
will i always feel this way?
so empty, so estranged

Monday, October 27, 2008

in honor of ebeccra


without permission i stole this photo from rebecca's blog... rebecca... if you are mad tell me and i will take it down...

so... i finally met up with rebecca and her baby ezra... she is so happy... it is refreshing and beautiful... her happiness is real even though for some her life right now is less then ideal... i asked her how?... she talked about experiences that were hard... but these experiences taught her to let go of expectations... to be more accepting... she said that she has had to learn that everything is ok and will continue to be ok... she talked about how events don't happen to you, but that they are experiences that pass through you... i hope she doesn't mind me exploiting her wisdom... but i have been thinking about it all day... i have heard all of these ideas before... but it is a completely new experience to actually see and experience the brightness that has occurred... the total transformation in a friend i have not seen in five years... it was good medicine...

refreshing...

i have had some really incredible friends over the years and she is defiantly one of them... i am completely impressed... inspired... in awe.

honestly... i keep encountering the best that this world has to offer...

Friday, October 24, 2008

hello... god?... is this god?



a week ago i was walking with a friend... and i said... you know... i just really want a boy to take me to bodyworlds... she said... i love that that is your idea of the ideal date...

next

i recently emailed my friend rebecca... we haven't had contact for 5 years... a mutual friend suggested we reconnect... a few days later i got an email from her that said she would be in town this week... yeah!... i emailed her back with my phone number

next

i got an text message early this week that said... hey i will be in town until sunday, do you want to get together??... yes, of course!!!! we texted several time throughout the week to arrange plans... i suggested we go to the bodyworlds exhibit at the Leonardo

i stopped by the leonardo after work today to pick up tickets... i called rebecca while standing at the cash register to ask her what time she wanted to go... a guy answered the phone... i thought it was her husband... this is the conversation

guy: hello
me: ? is rebecca there?... (this must be her husband)
guy: do you want to talk to rebecca?... because i think you dialed the wrong number?...
me: (looking at my phone... i didn't dial wrong) who is this?
guy: this is todd
me: this is god? (thinking rebecca's husband was messing with me)
guy: todd!
me: (confused... slowing putting the pieces together... covering my tracks)... oh hi todd... do you want me to pick up tickets for 5:00 or 5:30
guy/todd: 5:30 should work
me: kay. see you in a little bit...

next

i went to the exhibit with todd... todd is a boy... i got my before mentioned wish

the exhibit was great... the body is incredible... i liked that some of the bodies still had their belly buttons... and i was totally fascinated with the fetus section... a few of the little baby bodies had hair... i and you were once only a growing lentil... and at our first gasp for air only a few pounds... and all of our energy and approach and excitement/fear for life... we had at that time... how did great big us's squeeze into little tiny zygotes? hmmm...

there were a few cross section cuts of different parts of the body... i really liked those... i told todd that if i were in the body show they would probably make me a cross section cut and not a ballerina... he said... if i donate my body i will insist that i be displayed holding a car over my head... i laughed...

next

here are a few bodyworld show blogs that i have come across... if you want to know more about the show go here and here or here.

for family and friends in houston make sure you go here... bodyworlds2 will be in houston - until february 2009.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

its a game

just found out i was tagged... by ram... and now i am playing...

five things people that know me don't always know about me...

1. i usually tell people this - so some people probably have heard the story... when i was 19 my best friend and her boyfriend were in a biker club... i used to hang out with them and the other club members... the south west san jacinto high-rollers... they called me red... used to ask me, "why you don't talk so much red?"... i usually responded with silence...my photo was taken at a fundraiser and i guess it was in one of their national newsletters... i never saw the photo... went with them to a ralley/protest in austin ... i rode in the truck with suzi and zack and we were followed by like 20 harleys... it was weird that it was a part of my life back then... and even weirder to look back on now... i am very un-biker now and was back then too.

2. i tell people this one too...in grade school i discovered that swingset noise echos if you put your ear up to the metal part of the swing set... it is also a really soothing sound....

3. i love the rhythm of speech... the sound of voices... it is weird to me when someones voice doesn't change... as in... when they should be relaxed the speak the same as if they are giving a speech... i think you can tell a lot about a person by the way sound comes out of their mouth

4. i am a terrible speller and i am pretty embarrassed about it... so if you are mean point it out...

5. i am not as nice as people think i am...

now... hmm... i will tag a few peoples... chalice, mandy, joal, foxy coxy and amy choat-n ... check out this so you know what this is about...

i think you all read this blog now and again... right? if you don't want to play... well... i guess you wont. :)

Monday, October 20, 2008

just so you know

i really love rocks... really really love them...


when i am surround by huge mounds of rocks i wonder how long the rock that i am next to has existed... i am no geologist... so i am in awe of rock... in the same way that primitive people were in awe of the fertility of the earth... the way they prayed to the gods for plenty... i feel the warmth of the sun collected and held by rock... i sometimes feel or imagine its story... the chaos and pressure that formed it... and the stillness that the chaos left behind... i like thinking of myself as grounded and solid... i beg my maker to help me obey the way the clay/rocks obey...

rocks...hmmm... these kisses... although they were outwardly a joke... the rock and i know... it meant something. :)

p.s. i stole this photos from this blog... go there... see more... your need for beauty will thank you...

Friday, October 17, 2008

falling leaves and dead birds... slow train and one world

today.

walking south on 5th east... in a moment my eyes caught sight of an autum leaf spiraling and spinning its way to the pavement... my eyes... mesmerized and apprieciating the brief halt...

the stop

in all empty unnecessary thought chatter... silence...pause... i love those moments... i think it has been a while since i have had one... right before the leaf hit the ground my attention focused on a decapitated bird... i scream/gasped... stepped over the dead bird and kept walking... i have never seen a decapitated bird... i have never almost stepped on a dead bird...

walked to slow train...no more mt.goat tickets... guess i will have to buy at the door... walked to one world for a bit of soup and something vegetable like...

ran into an old friend/acquaintance... we used to work together with angry/bad teens in the west desert... i asked... how are things?... he said really bad... without elaborating... so i wanted more... he sat with me for food... this friend is good... he has a family... he has been working for a grass roots type organization for the past few years... for him this organization has been something that he has been able to believe in... he has loved being a part of the mission... he expressed to me his current sadness because the leadership of the organization does not trust workers... that day the staff of an entire shift exited the business/organization because of it... an entire shift quit at once...left... locked the doors behind them... i listened... he is still employed because today was his day off... but now he is in a place... somewhere in the middle... if the organization is worth sticking with he will... he has loved the organization... it is a vision he has believed in... he has a family... but the leadership is breaking his heart... we are only acquaintances... but i could feel his sadness even when he laughed as he expressed it... he asked if i was still working at the shelter -- i am... he mentioned something like... how... people like us are working for the kingdom... i told him sometimes i feel tired... sometimes i want to work for money and do nothing... but i remembered and mentioned that i never last long in those nothing jobs...

i walked home from sitting with him... thought about working for the kingdom... working for the kingdom... it is pretty revolutionary... to be working for the kingdom... i am proud of my acquaintance for believing in a better world and living with passion and compassion... for working for the kingdom...

thy kingdom come... thy will be done

p.s. if you happen to think about it... say a little prayer for my friend... most of us don't and wont live with the same kind of focused purpose... so... ya... since we wont and don't... we might as well do what we can for those who do... he and those around him could really use it right now.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008



welcome to texas... a place where they are proud to be the home of george w. a place where most people really believe the media is too hard on him... mmmm... this is probably the only place where i will refer to the people of texas as they instead of we...

the drive



this lady in my-t-burger explained to me that she has lived in memphis, texas all her life. she said, "its a good town. the football team won state once... and we have a good team this year". i am not sure when they won state... i think it would be really awesome if it was in 1992 or 1986...



i know what you are probably thinking... and you are wrong... this is not a photo of a painting of poop. it is a cyclone... as in the memphis cyclones... their football team once won state...









after the 28 hour drive i was a bit sleepy. these photos are from sunday. chalice's baby gavin was blessed, chalice spoke, my brother jacob sang and gave a talk... he just got home from serving a mission... i was terrified when i realized jacob would be singing... but he did really good... that afternoon we celebrated a few birthdays... and i slept... when i went upstairs to play with my neices i ended up crashing... and they took a few photos...


lily playing with my feet.


happy 30th birthday mandy and i am not sure which birthday this is for chalice... 35?


my sister mandy, jacob's friend tiffany and i on a sunday drive in mom's new car... couldn't find the center seat-belt so mandy and i shared in order to keep tiff safe... mom has a foot of lead... stopping and going without warning... it is always fun to do stuff with my sisters when i am home... they get really excited to leave their kids with the husbands...


raymond and reice... reice is 4


cute lily and rian


sleeping when i should have been playing


ray and reice and below me and jessie





Last time I was in Houston my friend Travis and I tried to find the orange show... we never found it... back in 2005 we didn't have google maps access on our cell. In fact back then I don't think Travis and I even had cell phones...

But Ram and I managed to find it last night... The three year wait was worth it...it is off of telephone road... i think someone like steve earl or robert earl king sings a song that mentions telephone road... about the orange show... the orange show is everything i had hoped it would be... maybe in another three years i will actually make it inside...

next to the orange show is an unusual trailer... someones house i am assuming... ram was brave enough to get up close and take a photo... i fully expected some dude to come out drunk in his underwear aiming a shot gun at us... this never happened... i am glad because i didnt want it to happen...





technically i am not from the lone star state... but i think i get it... this texas thing

Sunday, October 12, 2008

a few photos scanned


my sister ginger and me

family photo in front of grandma betty's house... either 1980 or 1981

Mandy's 5th birthday... We ate so much candy that day...

another picture of me and ginger

Disneyland 1995