I could blog about my face… the fact that I keep telling people how ugly it is and how they keep telling me… no…. its not true… but it is true… and I am ok with it… its kind of like when the Zulu ladies on my mission would pinch me and laugh about how fat I was getting… I appreciated their honesty then and my own now
I could blog about how cute my nieces have been… how fun it was to share a piece of chocolate cake tonight before bed… I didn’t tell their parents… I kind of knew it wouldn’t be ok… its fun being an aunt…
I could blog about the details of eating small bites because my mouth only opens so wide because i have a fat swollen face…. or how people stare because i look battered… and how my eye has turned bloody…
I could blog about how cool it felt to shower after filling my lorotab Rx… and because of the lorotab I slept all day and am now wide awake with nothing better to do…
Or… this
Almost two weeks ago a friend explained to me… a little about me…I don’t know why, but in the past year I have been gifted with some really sacred friendships... this conversation with these two friends has brightened my perspective… In the conversation my friends were inviting me to move forward… to progress… to exercise the strength that my creator has already given me… but that I have had a hard time believing is really there… I knew they were right, but in that moment felt fear… fear of the unknown… fear… not totally trusting…
But starting the next day something about my confidence shifted… I believe and hope it is a permanent shift… time will only tell…. the conversation has given me courage to shed a bit of this shell… this ego… this process of shedding… in a way has handed me my life… or a more honest at peace version of it… we the people are always growing and progressing (hopefully)… so my future lessons may just again throw me into a whirlwind of questioning contemplation… but for now...
but back to the shedding… I just finished this book… this really great book… mentioned before… it is a beautiful book that I highly recommend… Anam Cara… soul friend…
“In our struggle with the silent and secret companion, death, the crucial battle is the one between the ego and the soul. The ego is the defensive shell we pull around our lives. It is afraid; it is threatened and grasping. It acts in an overly protective way and is very competitive. The soul, on the other hand, has no barriers. As the great Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, “The soul has no limits.” The soul is a pilgrim journeying toward endless horizons. There are no exclusion areas; the soul suffuses everything. Furthermore, the soul is in touch with the eternal dimension of time and is never afraid of what is yet to come. In a certain sense, the meeting with our own death in the daily forms of failure, pathos, negativity, fear, or destructiveness are actually opportunities to transfigure your ego. There are invitations to move out of that protective, controlling way of being toward an art of being that allows openness and hospitality. To practice this art of being is to come into your soul-rhythm. If you come into your soul-rhythm, then the final meeting with your physical death need not be threatening or destructive. That final meeting will be the encounter with your own deepest identity, namely, your soul” (O’Donohue, John: 216)
Soul-rhythm… it is easy… natural… and light… when we find it… it is effectively… feels like… jumping off a cliff and knowing it is the winds deepest desire to carry us… and then while in flight wondering why it was ever frightening…. Hmmm
Like I said… I hope it lasts…
it seems almost too easy...
5 comments:
Don't worry about the face, Tanya - you still have a great bum! :D
All levity aside, the swelling will go down, the stitches will heal, and it will be tough to tell that anything ever happened just by looking at you.
But in this moment, having encoutered the truth of our physical frailty and having some time to be on the mend, it seems your spiritual strength is just continuing to grow and expand.
You've shared some powerful thoughts, Tanya. Thanks!
i'm glad you're o.k.! yipes! great quote and insight. i think you're amazing.
and after having a black eye myself but from falling from a skateboard in trying to impress boys(stupid) it's fun to make up stories to tell people.
It made me laugh when you mentioned about those Zulu ladies. I can relate to that :) But HAKUNA MATATA. You are still beautiful inside and outside you will heal of course!
You are such an inspiration. I love to read whatever you post in here.
Get better and lets get together again in October. Bosquet will come down with her family.
yes!!! thank goodness for the bum :)
and jess... i keep thinking about you and your eye... and i have been wearing mine proudly... making sure any boy i am hanging out with knows that everyone is going to think he did it to me... but the people around me are too nice... even strangers wouldn't be able to blame them...
and cool domoina! bosquet will be here... we should start spreading the word... I will send out an email...
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am REALLY glad I got to see you over the weekend, for some reason you always make me want to get back to the bare essentials....
I hope you enjoyed all those movies from the library. Visit Southern Utah!
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