please feel free to laugh at me for this... i laugh at me for this

When I lived in Logan I tried to date Sam… he lived in Provo. I thought there was something there. Not because I really felt a connection, but because he was born in 1975 and he had dark hair and light eyes. Because his middle name is Phillip, I thought he was my soul mate. A palm reader told me in 1999 that my soul mate was a man named Phillip, born in 1975 with dark hair and light eyes. This soul mate of mine is also supposed to be very good looking. Sam Phillip L is all of those things. Our final conversation went a little something like this…

Me: so are you interested in me or not?
He: ummm
Me: just say yes of no.
He: no
Me: ok, thanks.
(Awkward goodbye hug)

Later he emailed me and apologized if he hurt my feelings. He said, “I hope you are not mad at me.” He really is such a nice person and he felt really bad. I wrote back and told him he was lame. I told him that he should have been honest from the get go and that he led me on. I was pretty harsh. That was almost seven years ago. I am totally embarrassed by the entire situation now. I am really embarrassed for not realizing what a connection really feels like. It is really funny/embarrassing that I thought someone was my soul mate because he fit a palm reader’s criteria.

To make a short story long, he introduced me to Greg Brown. Greg Brown is now one of my favorite musicians. I have seen him perform three times. I have a huge crush on him. He is so soothing, authentic, poetic… and… wow… he makes the everyday beautiful. He seems to have the ability to hold a moment in time – painted with his words so beautifully… he is really sensual without being dirty… makes me want to have babies and hold hands…

Anyways… I listened to this song tonight… and I wrote out the words… the way I used to before the internet made finding lyrics so easy… I have always loved this song… for the line
“Spring will come I know it will” – he sings it with such hope… and it is exactly the kind of hope I need in January… and “I wanted to get to know you, but you said you were shy… I watched you walk along the fence… and hello ran into goodbye…”

but after close examination… I like “she stood there in the door way smoothing out her dress, she’d say this life is like a ripe thump melon… so sweet and such a mess”… and, “beware of them that look at you as an experience.”

Thanks Sam… for Greg Brown… he is worth the embarrassment I remember every time I remember how I thought you were my soul mate…



Lyrics to Rexroth's Daughter :
Coldest night of the winter working up my farewell
In the middle of everything under no particular spell
I am dreaming of the mountains where the children learn the stars
Clouds roll in from nebraska dark chords on a big guitar
My restlessness is long gone i would stand here like an old jack pine
But I'm looking for rexroth's daughter the friend of a friend of mine

I can't believe your hands and mouth did all that to me
Are so daily naked for all the world to see
That thunderstorm in michigan i never will forget
We shook right with the thunder & with the pounding rain got wet
Where did you turn when you turned from me with your arms across your chest
I am looking for rexroth's daughter i saw her in the great northwest

Would she have said it was the wrong time if I had found her then
I don't want too much a field across the road and a few good friends
She used to come & see me but she was always there & gone
Even the very longest love does not last too long
She'd stand there in my doorway smoothing out her dress
& say "this life is a thump-ripe melon-so sweet and such a mess"

I wanted to get to know you but you said you were shy
I would have followed you anywhere but hello rolled into goodbye
I just stood there watching as you walked along the fence
Beware of them that look at you as an experience
You're back out on the highway with your poems of city heat
& I'm looking for rexroth's daughter here on my own side street

The murderer who lived next door seemed like such a normal guy-
If you try to follow what they shove at us you run out of tears to cry
I heard a man speak quietly i listened for a while
He spoke from his heart to my woe & then he bowed & smiled
What is real but compassion as we move from birth to death
I am looking for rexroth's daughter & I'm running out of breath

Spring will come back i know it will & it will do its best
So useful so endangered like a lion or a breast
I think about my children when i look at any child's face
& pray that we will find a way to get with all this amazing grace
It's so cold out there tonight so stormy i can hardly see
& i'm looking for rexroth's daughter & i guess i always will be